About Orchard OCD

In this week's blog, Dany shares his OCD story and offers us insightful considerations:How are you? Something we ask and get asked every day. I’m sure the majority of us answer with “I’m good thanks, how about you?”But are you good? Are you really ok? Would it be better to say how you’re really feeling? Is it easy to say how you are really feeling?I walk my daughter to school. She’s happy, she skips along excited to see her friends. Her happiness makes me smile. We get to the playground, kids and parents greeting each other with the normal morning “how are you? I'm good thanks”. How are you? Do I answer with “I’m fine” or do I say how I’m really feeling? Do I say actually I’m awful. It's taken me 15 minutes to leave the house because I’ve had to check every door and window over and over again. I’ve checked the gas is off on the hob a few times and even sniffed it just to make sure and also I stood staring at the clock to be on an even number before I left the kitchen because if I don’t do these things there’s a good chance in my mind that I’ll probably get murdered on the way home or someone will break in to my house and either burgle it or be waiting to kidnap me. Maybe I’ll just stick with “doing good thanks”.When I get home all I want to do is go to bed, shut myself away from the world this way nobody can get me, nobody can hurt me. I don't have to do compulsions over and over again. Yes, the intrusive thoughts are still there but I’m shut away from the world in bed, nobody can get me here, it’s my safe place.I have things to do so I can’t shut myself away. My dog needs walking. I need to prepare my lunch for work and various other day to day tasks to do.I’ve not heard from my wife since she got to work. Is she ok? In reality she’s fine but the intrusive thoughts in my head are telling me what if she’s not? What if she’s had an accident on the way to work and she’s dead?I can make this ok. All I need to do is all my normal compulsions and she will be fine. I’ll tidy the cutlery drawer and line everything up completely perfect and then once I've done this I’ll stare at it for a bit, get them all out and line them all up again then maybe I’ll do it again!My dog is pacing around, and she’s desperate to go out. A simple task like this can be a nightmare. All I have to do is walk out of my door, lock it and off we go. Unfortunately, I can’t do this. Time to check the gas, check every window and door over and over again, time to wait for the clock to be even. Leave the house, lock the door, check that door is locked, walk away, go back check door. Walk away again full of anxiety that I’ve left the door unlocked and when I get home someone will be waiting in my house to kill me. Leaving my wife with no husband and my kids with no dad. Sounds awful right? This is what having to deal with intrusive thoughts is like. OCD is ruining my life. I don’t want to keep living this way, but I can’t tell anybody about this. It’s my secret, nobody needs to know about it.How easy could it possibly be to just tell my wife what is happening to me? Surely it can’t be that hard? I wrote my wife a letter and explained everything that was going on. I cried reading it back and thought what a coward! How could you possibly not talk to someone you love face to face rather than a letter? Letter goes in the bin, I’ll just keep this to myself, this is who I am now, I have dealt with it for so long alone, I can carry on this way.The day came that I could no longer go on living with OCD by myself. I was exhausted. I was tired. I didn’t want to carry on living this way. I needed to talk.I sat down with my wife. I cried then cried some more while trying to explain what had been happening to me. I can easily say it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. But also, one the most rewarding because this led me to getting help. Speaking to people who understand about OCD. Getting therapy, although very challenging, has made my life better and easier. I’ve done Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Both are brilliant and I highly recommend them.Talking about problems especially for men is difficult but needs to be more common. If you really want to man up speak up, don't hide your problems away. Life can and will be better by taking that first step and telling someone about what's going on in your life.So how are you?

In this week's blog, Méliane shares her OCD story through a beautiful poem she wrote: I can’t see you but I know you’re there You’re always there Sometimes I think you’ve gone but you always find a way to re-appear   I’ve been in prison for years Alive but not living Closed down Standing Staring at life An observer bound in a mental straitjacket Looking at the world but not taking part in it Wooden, frozen   “No” I shout at you. “Enough. Stop” But you still keep coming at me I am so tired Tired of washing, cleaning & checking Tired of not being able to touch anything touched by anyone else Tired of the effort, the struggle, the continual cycle Tired of the loss of career & relationships Tired of not feeling able to go outdoors Tired of the loss of fun Tired of life   This year when Spring arrives I feel the sunlight warming me I feel a sense of hope I hear something funny on the radio and I laugh. It’s a strange feeling but good. It’s been a long time A thought floats into my head “I can do anything I want” I want my freedom Can I find the strength to take it? I’m going to try.

Hello everyone! We are happy to introduce you all to our new member of staff, Margherita! Margherita has just started working for Orchard OCD as the Head of Fundraising and Communications. She will manage Orchard's relationships with partners, donors, and collaborators. In this week's blog, we learn more about Margherita and the work she will be doing for Orchard OCD. Hello Margherita! How are you feeling starting work at Orchard OCD? Hi! I am delighted to start working at Orchard. I have been knowing Orchard since 2020, and I have always felt entirely represented by its purpose and mission towards raising awareness about OCD and advocating for more financial investment in research into OCD. I am also excited at the idea of collaborating with interdisciplinary professionals who share my strong passion for mental health and work for a world where all individuals suffering from OCD can access timely and effective treatment for their condition. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? I am 27 years old, and during the last few years, my studies and work have taken me to live partly in the UK – in London first and then in Cambridge – and partly in Milan, Italy, my native country. I have a Psychology bachelor's and a master's in Clinical Mental Health Sciences from University College London. I have always been keen on raising awareness around OCD, advocating for those suffering from it and for more research into OCD and related disorders. As a teenager and young adult with severe OCD, when I was at my lowest point due to this mental illness at age 18, and then again at age 23, I decided to turn the tables nor allow the OCD to continue to rob me of my health, relationships, and career ambitions. I decided that one day, I would help people with OCD through my work, turning my mental pain into an opportunity for myself and many other OCD sufferers. In my background, there is no lecture, book or scientific article that can match what I have learned about the complexity of OCD by experiencing it on my own skin for several years. I sincerely want my work to impact how health professionals - not just those in the mental health niche - and societies perceive OCD until this illness is entirely given the public attention, respect, and financial resources it deserves. Thank you very much, Margherita! What are you working on to start things off at Orchard? I am learning many new things on Orchard's website and social media management to continue Juliet's work of expanding Orchard's media channels. I'm also developing a new Orchard OCD funding conflict-of-interest policy, which aims to guarantee that Orchard's funding decisions are made fairly and transparently. I'm very excited about the OCD Patient Registry that Orchard recently developed through a collaboration with the University of Hertfordshire and that is receiving the first applications. I believe the OCD Registry represents an excellent and necessary means to collect information from individuals with OCD to be matched with potentially suitable studies for them to participate in. By grouping the highest possible number of individuals with OCD into one database, it will be significantly easier for researchers to find an adequate number of participants for their studies and, hence, to produce reliable results. We have many other plans for the upcoming months, and I look forward to working on them and sharing our work with everyone! What are your hobbies outside of work? I enjoy practising yoga regularly and going for long walks in my spare time. I love walking both in the city and in nature. When I am alone, I love stopping in some nice café to read a good book while having a cup of tea. I also love dancing, spending time with my friends, with whom I share much of my private life and travel, going to the movies, enjoying happy hours, the theatre, and many other things! Welcome Margherita! Got any fundraising or communication ideas? Please email Margherita at margherita@orchardocd.org to start a conversation. /*! elementor - v3.12.2 - 23-04-2023 */ .elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=".svg"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}